Monday, October 15, 2012
My Dear Little Boys
I'm not sure you'll ever really know how much I love you. Will you ever understand the tears that fall each time you grow a size and I have to change out your wardrobe. The stabbing feeling in my heart I get each time you have a first...or a last. The first day of a new grade. The last day of an old. Your first bite of table food and your last suckle of my milk. The first ride on a big boy bicycle and the last ride on your tricycle.
Will you ever know how my heart was so filled with emotions that I thought it would burst on the day you accepted Christ or the day you announced it to the world at your baptisms. As boys, will you ever really understand your mother's heart, how extreme I love you and covet every accomplishment and milestone you surpass.
Before you, I could never have imagined how much a stinky, loud, messy, gross little boy could capture my heart, become my world and pull my heartstrings with such a love that it actually hurts.
Before you, I thought a parent was supposed to teach their children how to live. Since having you I realize it's the other way around. You are the reason I strive to be better, to learn more, to hang on, to be more like Christ....to earn your love & respect is my crown, my most precious jewel & the thing I treasure most.
I feel too often that I fail at this parenting thing. I'll never fully understand why God chose me to be the mother of 3 such amazing little boys. Why I was blessed so greatly with this honor & privilege. In His great wisdom, he obviously knows more about me than I know about myself. I promise to always try to be the best for you.
Love you to the moon and back again,